Crossroads
by airwolf addict
Summary: Story twenty one. After Caitlin left, Hawke comes to a crossroads and is forced to chose a new direction in life with plenty of its own problems.
1. Ch 1 Single Parent

CHAPTER 1

"Single Parent"

The pink and orange rays peaked over the mountain tops, dawning another beautiful day. Hawke, having been up for only a few minutes, enjoyed his cup of coffee and the sunrise with Chance and Tet as companions.

Before long they would have to head up to the hangar, but for now they would watch the sun rising into the sky and warm the chilly October air.

Soon, the two of them were in the Jet Ranger heading for Santini Air. It was good to be back in the air, something he'd missed dearly since his injury while rescuing Dom, Saint John, and Le. Finally he had gotten the all clear and found himself back in the air as soon as possible. Today would be his first day back at work and he was looking forward to it.

\A/

By the time String landed the chopper outside the hangar, Saint John was already leaving with the second Jet Ranger, and Dominic was barking at some stunt coordinator about how ridiculous a certain stunt would be for such little money. He settled Chance in the back and checked to see what jobs they would have and if he was scheduled to do any of them today. No doubt Dom would try to keep him grounded as much as possible until he was absolutely positive there were no long lasting effects from his injuries, but he needed to be in the air, it was a goodly portion of his life and he had no qualms about that. Getting paid for what you love evidently was actually possible, and nothing could keep him down today.

Finally he could he Dom slamming down the phone receiver, only to have it start ringing impatiently again.

"Santini Air," he answered gruffly.

Only minutes later, he marched himself into the office and stood before the desk String was sitting at. Grabbing for the large brown book that resided there, he skimmed the notes scribbled in it. He read it again, hoping to find some way to avoid putting String up for the stunt across town, for more than one reason. Everyone else would be in and out, but not have enough time to do the stunt themselves. Cait could do it - if she were here. Where was she anyway? She'd never officially quit, nor had she even made the slightest hint that String was pushing her too close to the edge, that she was even thinking about leaving him and Chance. Something had obviously put her over the edge, but what? He sure wasn't getting crap from String, who obviously figured it was all his fault and missed her, but somehow figured that in the end it was better this way. Just what he needed, Dom thought, to go through the whole love thing again. Probably had something to do with him thinking he was jinxed or cursed thing again.

Well, time was running out and he'd have to face the inevitable sooner or later.

"Hey String, you ok?"

"Yeah, why? If I weren't up to flying I wouldn't have shown up for work today."

"What about Cait?"

"That's between her and me. Yeah I miss her a hell of a lot and I wish…. I wish she were here, but maybe it is better this way."

"What'd you mean better?! She is good for you and you know it."

"_Was_ good for me. I can't force her to stay at home all the time after we got her into the whole mess, but I don't want to risk loosing her too. And before you get started with 'you're not jinxed or cursed; and 'she's not Gabrielle' or any of that, don't bother because I'm not interested."

His prediction of Dom's intentions were true, of course. They'd gone round and round on this one, but when would he learn? He had been doing so well at handling old fear like this lately, but then he pushed her away.. Now he was a single parent with a two year old to watch over, a slightly more risky than normal job flying movie stunts, and more than plenty of enemies and risks due to Airwolf and all those related missions. How could one normal human being deal with all of that?

"Did you have some job for me or not?" String asked, interrupting Dom's musings.

"Oh yeah, if you're up to it I'd like you to do a stunt across town…"

"And?" she asked impatiently. There was something Dom hadn't bothered telling him, something he didn't want to say.

"And nothing. The director tells you what to do and you do it - that's all."

"Alright. I'll be over there by two."

"It's at - hey, how did you know?"

"I overheard," he replied wryly. "You were kind of hard _not_ to overhear though, probably even Ed across the way knows about your stunt at two."

"Well, I otta get going then."

"Yeah, me too before long."

\A/

Saint John came into the hangar and filled his mug full of the string brew from the coffee pitcher while he took a quick break. Next, he would refuel the Jet Ranger and wait until Dom got back, then he would go pick up Le from school who would his homework and watch Chance until String finished the stunt on the other side of town and he dropped off the film. The business was good, but the work was exhausting, would have been nice to have another person.

"Saint John," Dom called. "Saint John!"

"Huh, what?"

"Need to get going."

"Oh yeah," he answered, having evidently dozed off during his short break.

\A/

**That Night **

**7:00pm**

As the sun was sinking into the wispy clouds and the shadows cast by the mountains the Santini Air Jet Ranger came to rest heavily on the end of dock; String, with a sleeping toddler cradled in his arms, climbed out of the Jet Ranger and made for the cabin.

Tonight just a simple dinner would suffice. He, for one, was too exhausted to do much else and Chance looked like he was planning to sleep through dinner anyway.

Dom had made a wise choice in not giving him all the details for the stunt because if he'd known he was going to have to work for Gabriel Ramirez again he wouldn't have gone at all, or better yet, he would have gone just to punch his light out then come back. Maybe next time instead of bringing in the helicopter a little too close for comfort he'd just land o the guy.

Now he was in no mood for being reasoned with or doing anything useful. Going to bed sounded good. Tomorrow would be better, maybe.

_In the steamy southeast Asian jungles of Vietnam, he waited. Silently estimating and calculating how hard it would be to take out this village, so he could begin his hunt for Saint John again. He'd already been messing for the better part of a year, but somehow he knew that his brother had to be still alive. He had already lost both his parents in a boating accident and Carrie in the car wreck just before shipping out here. He couldn't bare to lose his brother too, his only family left._

_He watched as the others on this little group returned from their own scouting and ready to return with their reports. Again they marched through the all too familiar dense green jungles. Taking up the rear, he followed, at least until a shabby prison camp caught his eye and pieces of torn army fatigues. After reaching down to pick them up, he wiped off the sticky mud, revealing letters that read 'ke' and one tattered piece before it that could have been an 'H.' Could it be Saint John Hawke's? He was almost sure of it, and there were a few prisoners in that little cage… No one appeared to be around; what could it hurt to take a look?_

_Cautiously approaching, he saw why there were no VietCong guards here - there were no living prisoners to guard. None of them appeared to be the brother he knew and loved though. Guiltily feeling thankful, he ran to catch up with the rest of the group._

_All was as well as war can be the next day until one of his commanding officers brought him aside to lead another scouting mission for another village. He agreed, not knowing what awful thing he would find._

_It was late and dark, an oppressive heat still hanging in the air, but everything he felt, had gathered, collected, calculated, was all gone, washed away and pushed aside and allowing him only to be able to focus himself on the dead body in front of him, of Saint John._

_"No!" It was so wrong, so unreal. Saint John couldn't be dead, just couldn't be. Unheeded tears flowed generously down his dirty cheeks as a shaking hand reached for his brother. "Saint John! No Sinj, you can't be dead!"_

Startled back into consciousness by his own cries for his brother, String pushed aside the covers and slid out of bed, willing himself to get the awful compilation of feelings, memories, and fears out of his head. Saint John was alive and safe so why couldn't these terrible dreams stop haunting him?

In the other room it didn't sound like chance was sleeping any better, begging to be let out. He obliged, carrying him out of the bedroom and down the stairs. "You're too young to be getting nightmare," he scolded teasingly. "Couldn't you inherit something better from me?"

Chance simply slung both arms around his neck and hung on as they descended the stairs.

"You want some hot coco?"

Chance nodded his approval of the idea.

Soon the two of them were enjoying mugs of hot coco by the warm fire, the soft crackling and aroma of burning wood an almost silent comfort against the cold night and their rather unpleasant dreams.

It was kind of strange, the things that brought the two of them closer, String mused silently. He and Chance made an interesting, but good, team, his only regrets being that they had so little time together and that he had run Caitlin off because of his fear of being cursed.

"Music?" Chance asked as he climbed off the floor and walked toward the Stradivarius.

"Sure." There wasn't any reason why not. There wasn't anyone to disturb and neither one of them would be getting any sleep anyway.

Reaching for the cello, he brought it up in front of him and drawing the bow across the strings began to play.

\A/

When Dominic arrived at the Santini Air hangar the following morning, he was greeted by the aroma of the strong brewing coffee and the sound of giggles and laughter from the back. Glad to see String was in a good mood; he'd been afraid of that now being the case after he set him up to work with Gabriel Ramirez again, but he hadn't had much choice, and String hadn't been totally agreeable to anything since Cait left, so this was a very good improvement. Figures, it would be the two year old to get through a problem he'd been battling since String was his late teens. At least somebody was, that mattered more than who got through to him, and Chance did share more than his fair share of resemblances to String, almost like a miniature version.

"I'm still taking the charter to Laguna Beach at three, right?" String checked.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"If I'm not back when you close up then would you mind watching Chance until I get back? He'd probably prefer not to have to go on the ride with nothing to do, wait, then come all the way back."

"No, I don't mind, didn't have any plans for tonight anyway."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure. Now get back to having some fun with that kid. We don't have anything to do right now and they grow up so fast."

Dominic was right. It was hard to believe Chance had become a part of he and Cait's life two years ago, and not long after they had officially become a true family, even if the marriage did only last twenty three months. It ripped him apart every time he thought about it too. At least now Cait, wherever she was, could find someone more deserving, and someone that wouldn't get her killed in some foreign Airwolf mission abroad. What bothered him the most though was that she didn't take Chance or ever say anything about him at all. Chance would always have a place in his hear and life, and honestly he wanted to keep him, but why didn't she even seem to care anymore?


	2. Ch 2 Helping Hand

CHAPTER 2

"Helping Hand"

Today was much quieter than the previous few days had been. Saint John was watching Chance while String went to get lunch then he would take a lesson out later in the afternoon; other than that, they were dead.

Dom, having finished catching up on the paperwork, left the office and offered to help carry lunch in as String arrived with the jeep and a couple of large brown paper bags, shaking his head in disgust.

"If you actually eat all this I'm not sure you're going to be able to get the chopper off the ground," he remarked.

"You can put it away too, String," Saint John retorted.

"Ugg, not like you two. With all that food Dom left at the cabin, Chance and I planned on feasting for a good while; with you it'd be lunch for one day.

He watched as his older brother and surrogate father scarfed down the entire two bags of subs and chips.

"You sure you don't want some?" Dom offered. "Even Chance is enjoying it."

"Let him, and he can enjoy mine too. That stuff looks positively terrible."

On the other end of the room, the phone started ringing.

"Since you aren't enjoying our feast, will ya get the phone?"

He got up stiffly and started for the phone, still sore from his rescue attempts and getting shot in the process, going on anyways, suffering early stages of septic shock; it was not something he'd like to do anytime soon, but he'd do it all again to keep his little family together. He was healing pretty quickly, but still not quite a hundred percent.

The phone rang again, impatiently beaconing him to hurry up.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'," he grumbled. " Santini Air," he answered, upon reaching the phone."

"Hawke, it's Marella. Michael has a mission for you and Dominic and would like to see you in an hour. He's in a meeting now, but as soon as it's over he needs you here."

"Me and Dom specifically?"

"That's what he said. There's nothing wrong with bringing your brother or Caitlin if they're available, but you and Dom specifically."

"Alright. I'll tell him and we'll plan to be there in an hour."

Hardly even having hung up the receiver, Dom was already asking about the call.

"It was Marella. Michael wants to see you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you."

"Since when did he take such a liking to me?" Dom asked sarcastically.

"I don't know; I guess you'll just have to ask him when we get there."

\A/

Michael dropped back into his chair after a rather unpleasant meeting with the rest of the committee, expecting to see Hawke and Santini in his office, but instead he was greeted by more than just the two, but it without the extras he'd come to expect. He eyed them inquisitively.

"Saint John's on a charter," Dom supplied, "Le's still in school, and somebody had to watch Chance."

"Caitlin?"

"She won't be flying any more Airwolf missions and I wouldn't be expecting to be seeing her around much."

"Why?"

"She left," String answered bluntly. "Gone, vominios. I finally pushed her too far."

"Gone?" Michael repeated, feeling vaguely stunned. If he felt this way, how must Hawke feel? Somehow he couldn't quite believe it.

"She left me, Michael," String replied irritably. "I told her she couldn't go with me to rescue Dom, Le, and Saint John because it was too dangerous. She said she could and that I needed her help. I told her I didn't _need_ anyone's help. It's as simple as that."

It couldn't be. Caitlin seemed to be dealing with Hawke's stubbornness pretty well all things considered, and she wouldn't just leave, not if he knew her at all. And what about Chance? Didn't she care what happened to him? He knew Hawke wouldn't have any problems financially supporting him, and he was physically capable. The only real problem would be the Airwolf missions, and he obviously wasn't planning on taking any unnecessary risks on his family. He could definitely be a good father, evidently just not the husband she had wanted.

"Did you call us here for some reason other than picking apart my failing personal life?" String interrupted his thoughts abruptly.

"Alright, back to business." Hawke's personal life, going well or not, wasn't his business. "I was hoping to use Airwolf's highly sensitive scanners for a search and rescue party very similar to one the two of you have done before. There is a-"

"Sir," Marella entered the room with a single sheet print out in her hand. "They found her - she's dead."

A brief moment of sorrow and grief flickered across the spy's features before he pushed it aside ruthlessly. It was his job not to get attached, he already did that too much.

"I'm sorry to waste your time, but it seems there is no longer a mission unless you can make the dead living again."

"Only the Person in charge up in heaven can do that," Dom answered.

"Then no, it's too late."

\A/

The ride back to the hangar was a silent one, but they were greeted but yet another beaconing call from the telephone as soon as they arrived back.

"Don't they know we're closed?" Dom grumbled even as he reached for the phone.

"Never gonna learn if you always answer," String mumbled as he readied Chance for the flight back up to the cabin.

"No, no. It's not a problem at all, no trouble."

A brief pause.

"Charlie, I'll be over there first thing in the morning' and that's final."

"What was that all about?" String queried. It sure didn't sound like a normal business call.

"It was from an old friend," he answered. "When you and Saint John first came to live with me after the accident, I had a few struggles running the business and suddenly raising two boys. I wouldn't have had it any other way, mind you; I'd rather loose this place any day to keep the two of you together and cared for. Anyway, Charlie helped me out for a while. Now he needs a little help with his place out in Fresno. One of his pilots had a little run in with the ground, so he's a chopper and a pilot short. It's the least I could do."

"Anything I can do to help?" String offered. As a ten year old boy, he hadn't given much thought about how Dom had made ends meet with the added expenses, but now maybe there would be something he could help do to make up for some of that.

Dom shook his head. "Just the normal at the hangar here."

"Alright, but if there's anything I can do…"

"I know, String, thanks."


	3. Ch 3 Torn Between Duties

CHAPTER 3

"Torn Between Duties"

The next morning String and Saint John ran the business while Dom went to go see Charlie.

"You know, now I feel kind of guilty, thinking about how hard it must have been to take us in." Saint John commented. "I really wish there was something I could do to repay him for all he did for us."

"Yeah, me too."

\A/

"You don't think it was an accident?"

Charlie shook his head solemnly. "I shouldn't have let him go up there at all. There have been….threats."

"What kind of threats?" Dominic asked, concern for his old friend mounting up.

"If we didn't do certain things, illegal things for them, there would be trouble. Someone came just yesterday about a big drug run in the next week or so. I think I've managed to avoid this one with all the media attention due to the helicopter crash the other day," the pilot explained, "but it isn't going to solve all my problems, I know that much."

Dom was silent, trying to think of some way to solve this problem for his old friend.

"Listen, Dom, go on back. It was nice of ya to listen to my grumbling, but it's not your problem, and I don't want to drag you into it."

"Go back like hell. I'm involved in this, and I think I can help."

"I'm sorry, but there isn't anything you can do. I've already talked to the police, but I don't have any evidence of these guys and they've been dealing with bigger problems."

"I know a few people who can help Charlie. I _want_ to help you, and I owe it to you."

\A/

**Late that afternoon**

Stringfellow Hawke waited for Michael to call him in for some business needing something to keep his wandering thoughts occupied, hoping it wouldn't be some dead end like what would have been the previous mission. Finally he was called in by one of his 'angels.'

Michael didn't waste time with fancy explanations or presentations, instead skipping straight to the facts. "I'm just a middle man for this one, but I think Dominic might need your help on this."

"Dom?"

"Evidently, his friend, Charlie's problems have been related to a major drug runner, and Dominic wants to help. I'm getting together all the information I can even as we speak, but you know how much easier and safer it is to do a mission with more than one person, and Saint John and Mike Rivers are already busy."

"Ok, I'll ask him again, but he already said there wasn't anything I could do to help him right now."

"Truth is, he doesn't know about this meeting," Michael replied. "I'm sure he would prefer you to stay away from this one taking into account what happened last time you dealt with a drug runner and how it almost killed you."

"It's kind of him not wanting to incapacitate me again, but I wouldn't want it to happen to him, any more than I'd like it to happen to me."

"Lauren will bring me what we can find out as soon as she can get a hold of it, but there will still be plenty of unknowns out there," Michael warned.

"So what do I do?" Hawke asked.

"Your best bet is to talk to Dominic."

Lauren entered the office with a neatly labeled executive FIRM file and handed it over to her boss. "It's not much," she admitted, "but it's all we've got. If these are the ones that they appear to be, and all the indications say they are, it's going to be a tough case to crack and interesting to say the least."

After another twenty minutes of discussing with Michael, Hawke took his newly acquired knowledge, little as it was, and turned to leave.

"One more thing, Hawke," Michael cautioned,. "Be careful and try to bring everyone, including you, back in the same condition they left in."

\A/

Dom waited while String scheduled the next lesson and said goodbye to the attractive half-Japanese woman, Kira; he wasn't going to start making speculations though. He had with Caitlin and look where that had gotten them, it'd only succeeded in making String a single parent and breaking his heart yet again. No, considering his own luck with women, he guessed he didn't have any business advising String, no matter what he thought.

"What's the latest news with Charlie?" String asked upon re-entering the hanger.

"Oh, nothing much yet. Don't worry, String, I'll get everything taken care of, and I'll call if I need your help."

"Just when exactly do you think you might need my help - before or after you go after the drug runners?" String tossed back, pinning his surogate father with one of his icy stares.

"Huh?" Dom asked, startled.

"I talked with Michael," Hawke retorted. "Look Dom, you've helped me countless times and gone through with some pretty crazy ideas in my quest for Saint John over the years. I owe you that much; at least give me a chance to start repaying you just a fraction of what've you've done for me."

"I told Michael not to tell you. You don't need to repay me for anything, son. It's what family does. I just think it might be better if you didn't worry about this one; it could very possibly turn out to be not that big of a deal anyway."

"If it matters to you Dom, it matters to me."

"String, it's not just about you and me. What about your duties to Chance? Saint John is busy right now and somebody's gotta watch out for him. You said yourself that you didn't want him to go through all the pain and grief of being orphaned and alone in the world."

"I wasn't planning in getting myself killed, Dom. I'll be back and things can returned to normal."

"They won't stay that way though, String," Dom replied earnestly, looking the younger man in the eye. "What with being involved with Airwolf you and I know there is no true permanent normal and with any mission there is always that possibility. He deserves to have you around. Just you be sure you think everything out before making any decisions."


	4. Ch 4 Calling it Quits

CHAPTER 4

"Calling it Quits"

The early winter breeze howled through the leaves of the trees as String and Chance walked on. Finally the sun began to set and String peeled off his sunglasses and directed them back towards the cabin. It had been a pleasant walk and he enjoyed the time with Chance, but he'd hoped to sort through things like Dom had suggested. Everything had its consequences and it seemed there was no right choice; something was wrong with all of them. What he needed was some rest, relaxation, and a good long time to think everything through.

\A/

A full moon shone on the dark glittering waters of Eagle Lake and the little skiff that rocked gently on it. Maybe a quiet evening of fishing on the lake was just what they needed. A cool breeze whistled by and the trees danced in return.

String reeled in another fish closer to the boat. "Chance, hand me the net."

Chance handed over the net and watched intently as his father scooped the flopping fish up out of the water.

After that, they let the peacefulness of the gentle waves wash a sense of serenity over them.

Now it was late and dark and they both could be in a lot of trouble if he fell asleep, so String began to row back towards the dock. Once they had reached it, he secured the boat and helped Chance get out. They should get to bed for now and worry about life's problems later. He still didn't have any answers.

\A/

Decision time. He had waited, pro-ed and conned, and tried to ignore it, but the dilemma was still the same. Would he or would he not go with Dom on this attempt to stop a major drug run? If so, what precautions could he take to make sure something like last time didn't happen again? And what about plans if something did happen, and by chance he couldn't take care of his son? And finally, who would watch Chance while they were gone? Dom was set on helping Charlie, and he couldn't blame him, but he wasn't about to even think about taking Chance with them; Saint John and Le were with Ellie Mae who was currently dealing with a family crises, and Cait had left him to deal with this own his own, after all, he didn't need anyone, he'd said so himself. So what would it be? He owed Dom and Charlie, but Dom also had a good point. Maybe there was some way to do both. There had to be, and if that way existed he was going to find it.

\A/

Michael, dawning the usual three piece white suit although a bit rumpled, dropped into his white leather chair, exhausted.

He had been up most of the night looking for more information on this possible drug smuggling. He was determined not to let this one end up badly if he could prevent it, but the knowledge they had still was sparse and not near enough to going after them. If he could just get something more to insure their chances of success, especially without injury,he'd feel a lot better, but whoever it was had done a remarkable job at covering their tracks. It looked like he was just going to have to trust Hawke and Dominic's intuition and ability on this one.

"Sir," one of his assistants, Samantha, addressed.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Hawke is here to see you."

"Thank you."

She turned to lead the Airwolf pilot in, but Michael stopped her briefly.

"Is it just Hawke or…"

"No sir, he brought his son too."

"Thank you. That's all."

She sent the Hawkes in.

It had only been a few days, maybe a week, since he had seen father and son in here together, yet it amazed him how every time the young child seemed to grow more and more like his father, not that he'd had many other influences especially lately, but the resemblances were truly astounding. Just what he needed - another Hawke - he thought with an incongruous grin.

"What brings you here today?" Michael asked, although he figured he knew why - the mission at hand, of course. Maybe somehow they had picked up some useful clue. It wasn't the most likely, but miracles did happen, even in this business. "Some new development on the mission perhaps? For such major smugglers, it was remarkable something hasn't been heard about them before."

"Actually," String said quietly. "I think it's time to call it quits and start a quiet life, just Chance and me."

Michael Coldsmith Briggs III stared in disbelief. He should have seen it coming, but not now, definitely not now.

"It would give him a chance to live a more normal life, and it wouldn't be fair to put his life at risk for something I'm involved in, and with Caitlin gone, I have to be around and able to take care of him. I can't afford to be in the hospital just barely clinging to life or even get shot and not be at a hundred percent for a while, and as much as I hate to admit it, I don't heal as fast as I used to."

"You're sure?" Michael asked, still trying to process his words. Of everything he'd expected, this most certainly wasn't even in the cards. Hawke had almost given up like this once before, but when his brother went missing he jumped right back in. That had been because of not believing he was physically able though, this one did have a little more merit.

"I'm sure." Hawke said grimly. "I can't fly Airwolf, take care of Chance, and keep it all from affecting his life too much on my own. Sometimes it's just better to face the truth and that's it, whether I like it or not."


	5. Ch 5 Losing Hope

CHAPTER 5

"Losing Hope"

Dom and Mike, the only other available Airwolf crew member, drove out to the Lair. With the information they could pin down it looked like tonight would be the big night, right over the Mexican border.

Long rotor blades nearly skirted the edges of the narrow chimney as Airwolf ascended into the starry midnight sky. Then she shot off with a banshee shriek, challenging anyone who was willing to face her.

"I heard Saint John's excuse, but what is his brother's excuse this time?" Mike asked as they traversed toward the border.

"He says it's over. He quit."

"Him give up Airwolf? Nah,I don't believe it," Mike replied.

Dom shook his head slowly. "Well, believe it. After Caitlin disappeared, he's been taking his parenting role a lot more seriously than before, and I didn't think he was doing too bad before. If something happened to him there wouldn't be anyone else to look after Chance he said and he doesn't want him to have to go through all the pain and hurt of losing another parent. Not having Cait around has changed him a lot, mostly in a negative way. He spends even more time alone up at the cabin, and is even more broody, but at least he has Chance and he seems to make the most of every second they have together. He kind of lets Chance in, but shuts out the rest of the world though," Dom finished, his heart heavy at his adopted son's pain.

"Maybe one of these days he'll meet someone else. Or who knows run into Cait again and they can patch up their differences," Mike suggested, feeling for the older man.

"One can hope," Dom said resignedly. "I think she was the one for him though, and I just wish they could've worked out their problems instead of this. It all seems so out of character, not like something she would do. I can see her getting mad, maybe even taking off for a while, but not leaving for good all because he wouldn't let her go on a mission. I don't think String can handle much more heartbreak - it's amazing he has made it this far - but one more, assuming anyone can make it through all his barriers down to his heart, might just put him over the edge. This is worse, much worse than anything I've seen him go through. He hasn't pulled away like this since… I don't know, possibly it was this bad when he first lost Saint John, Mike. I'm not even sure about though, and he's getting worse. It seems Chance is the only thing keeping him even somewhat in contact with the world."

\A/

**Saturday Afternoon**

**December 23**

**Eagle Lake**

It was a cloudy gray afternoon, overcast and windy, but amazing fishing. String had more than he actually needed for just the two of them, but it was too good to pass up, and the weather right before it rained was genuinely pleasant although a bit chilly. Being a good ways out though and the seeing the ominous gray clouds looming closer, he finally gave in and started rowing back towards the shore.

Chance peered over the side, watching a silver-green fish streak by with fascination.

"Buddy, why don't you come sit over here by me?" String suggested. The waves were getting larger and rougher, and he didn't relish the idea of having to fish his son out of the cold water, but Chance didn't join him at his side. "Chance," he addressed with a firm parental authority. Chance still made no move. Sending an annoyed glance back after another rolling wave, he realized Chance was no longer behind him in the little skiff.

Alarm instantly took over, adrenaline coursing hotly through his veins. He scanned the surface of the waters for any sign of his missing son, only catching passing glimpses that he wasn't sure of. He prepared to dive in after his son when another swell capsized the boat.

Tumbling waters turned him around and around, disorienting him briefly, but he managed to poke his head above the choppy waters and draw in a ragged a gasping breath. The cold water threatened to pull him under again, as it ebbed away all his strength but he didn't even notice. Right now he had one goal - to find Chance - and that was all that mattered. Catching another glimpse of what might be the treasure he sought, he took powerful strokes towards it.

At last, coughing, sputtering, and obviously not happy, but alive, he saw Chance before another blue wave blocked him from view again. Thank goodness for life jackets. Oblivious to how tired and cold he should have been, String persevered. Finally he reached his son. Pulling him along towards the shoreline, he fought the wind and waves continuously, the adrenalin starting to give way to the normal human physical limitations and the shore slipping further off into the distance.

A fleeting glance upward revealed the true majesty and beauty of the storm's fury, too bad it was set on killing him. Fighting with all the strength he had left, they gradually began to make some headway, bringing the shore into a more attainable range.

Dropping heavily onto the muddy shoreline, String panted, only able to draw in short ragged breaths. Raindrops began pelting down in thick sheets, further drenching the twosome on the shore. Wearily shoving up to his feet and gathering his son in his arms, Hawke staggered back in the direction of the cabin.

By the time he made it back he was practically crawling through the dirt and mud, too tired to go any farther.

What would Caitlin think of him now? he thought bitterly. He had said he didn't need any help from anyone, but that was before he found out how hard it really was. He had been so determined, persistent, strong; what was he now? Tired, muddy, and pathetic - that's all he looked like, so what more could there be? He held onto Chance so tightly because he was his only son, all he had left of Caitlin, and it was his responsibility, but more than that - he loved Chance, and Chance unconditionally loved him back, either oblivious or accepting of the dangers that crowded even everyday life; Chance was a lot more than he deserved, he thought blackly.

He had lost nearly everyone he loved, almost having lost even his son who was only two; what made him think that this time would be any different? As much as he didn't want to admit it, hated even thinking about it, it would have been better if Caitlin had taken Chance with her when she left. Then he too could have had a safe and normal life - something obviously not meant for Stringfellow Hawke. He had tried to pull away from the dangers - missions, espionage, even Airwolf - mostly for the sake of his son and to simply get a taste of how normal people live, but now even that seemed impossible. If Cait were to come back right now, she'd probably pick Chance up and walk right back out; why did he try anymore? he thought in desperation. Why bother? No matter what he did, fate wasn't on his side and ending up with a truly happy life was a mere dream.

With the meager amount of energy he could summon up, Hawke cleaned up the two of them and put Chance to bed. Wearily shuffling to his own bedroom, he mechanically went through the motions, more on auto pilot than actually registering his own actions, until he went to set his watch onto the nightstand by the bed and dropped it into the floor. Reaching down for it, his fingertips brushed something soft and fluffy. He pulled it up to see what it was - Caitlin's slipper. He threw it across the room in anger and frustration.

"She's not coming back," he told himself angerily, raking frustrated fingers through his damp hair. "If she were she'd have already done it." Caitlin had just left; she hadn't taken anything with her except maybe, his heart. But if that was the case, why did everything suddenly feel so empty?

Caitlin obviously didn't have the same feelings, or at least not strong enough for them to overcome this obstacle; and he was going to have to learn to live with it. Being left, although usually because of death, was no new fact of life to him. Definately, it ws something he should've learned to deal with by now, he thought with a depressed sigh. Collapsing on the bed, he wondered how he was supposed to put it all aside and try to move past yet another damaged piece in the crazy jigsaw puzzle that made up his life.


	6. Ch 6 Welcomed Complications

CHAPTER 6

"Welcomed Complications"

**11:43am**

**High above the Mexican Border**

"We've got company," Dom reported, picking up some very active life forms below, "and it looks like they're our guys."

" 'Bout time. I thought they were going to be no-shows," Mike retorted from the front seat as he allowed them to glide down through the air towards their target.

Below, a semi-truck was being loaded with a large crate bulging full of something light colored - almost white.

"Go enough of the stuff don't they? I bet they plan to retire rich with a load like that."

"Not if we have anything to say about it."

Dom flipped on the audio scan to see if they could pick up some clue as to the intended direction they were headed or more specific details on exactly what they were carrying, but all they could hear was the scraping of the crate hitting the truck bed and men hurriedly moving about.

"Want to go ahead in?" Mike asked. "I don't think they're planning on telling us much."

"Shut up!" a sudden voice picked up by the audio scan commanded.

"Leave me alone you little-"

"Shut up. We have to get moving now and you're being difficult. I don't like difficult, and pretty as you are, you're going to die if you don't start cooperating."

"Sounds like we have an unwilling passenger," Mike commented.

Dom instructed him to be quiet as the others started talking again.

"The girl is contained, but you're going to have to figure out some way to keep her quiet if this is going to work."

"What makes you so sure this is going to work anyway?"

"This is nothing, but if we can get what I'm truly after, we'll be able to smuggle _real_ goods in anytime we want and there won't be anything anyone can do about it."

"You don't know that."

"Oh, but I do. We'll be in the air, so we won't have to deal with border patrol and nothing the government will send after us is going to take us down if we have the right pilot."

"More? This is nothing? Boy, we could break up something really major if we knew we could catch them then…"

The scanner picked up some pounding and banging from the back of the truck.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of her."

\A/

Caitlin O'Shaunessy Hawke stirred restlessly. Blinking blearily, blue-green eyes opened, fighting against the pounding in her head. For the life of her she still couldn't figure out how she'd ended up here.

Where was Hawke? Hawke! The thought came pounding back into her brain. The stupid, stubborn, beloved man was going to try to go after his brother, Dom, and Le all on his own last she remembered, all out of a misguided need to protect her. Old habits died hard, she thought angrily. Gabrielle had a lot to answer for and she was still paying the price for her death.

Stirring, she shoved to her feet. No matter how crazy the man made her, she loved him. She wasn't above letting him sweat it out a little; goodness knows he deserved it, the way he acted sometimes, but letting him get himself killed was a whole 'nother thing.

Anger energizing her, she looked around. Ok, decision made, she told herself. Now the only question was - where was she?

\A/

Next time her captors came in, she would be ready; all she had to do was escape them. Then she could worry about where she was and how to get home. But what if there was more than one of them or she couldn't get away? She couldn't be too much worse off, she guessed. Judging by the headache she woke up with and the less than luxurious accommodations her captors weren't planning to wine and dine her.

"Oh, Mrs. Hawke," the raspy voice of her middle aged captor called out, " you have a new companion."

Caitlin was soon joined by a limp brunette being tossed carelessly into the room with her. Instinctively, she went over to her, checking to see if she was even alive, rather than attempting to escape and she missed the opportunity.

Another few minutes later, the brunette blinked rapidly a few times then slowly opened dark brown eyes and sat up. Seeing Caitlin, she instantly scrambled backward defensively.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she assured soothingly. "We're going to get out of here somehow; I don't know how yet, but we'll figure it out, I promise."

The other woman lost some of the defensive posture but still eyed Caitlin suspiciously.

"How did you end up here? Do you remember?"

The woman mutely shook her head. "Got in the way and ended up here," she answered soberly, huge brown eyes filled with fear.

Cait took a sustaining deep breath. She had been in similar situations before and had clue to handle them; this girl, looking to be only about twenty at the most, probably hadn't and had even more reason to be afraid.

"Ok, let's get some ideas together and see if we can escape this place then."

\A/

Airwolf hovered above the deserted looking building that the smugglers had gone into about ten minutes ago.

"Well, ready?"

"Ready as I'm gonna be."

"Then get going," Dom prodded teasingly.

Two guards were easily avoided by Mike as he drew closer to the almost abandoned house, it was almost like they weren't even trying to catch him, Mike mused, not that he was complaining. He tried to blend in with the shadows even though it wasn't actually doing him all that much good. It was mid-day and a grey Airwolf flight suit didn't exactly camouflage well with no shadows and hot orange sand. It was a good thing these Mexican guards weren't any good.

Along the back side of the house, he listened. Inside he could hear two voices talking, both were females, but he was knowingly just after one. In the meantime he could search out the area and plan a way of escape; it sure couldn't hurt to learn the area a little better, that much was for sure.

"Rivers."

"Rivers," the voice from his portable radio called again.

"I'm here."

"How do things look there?"

"Just dandy. So far, no problems, but I could be waiting a while."

"Keep me updated," Dom requested.

"No problemo."

Back against the peeling paint of the house, Mike Rivers listened to the conversation between the two woman as best as he could.

\A/

Dominic had been waiting what seemed like an eternity but in reality was inky about ten minutes, when he heard booted feet marching steadily across the steady ground. Mike was back and no big problems for once. All they had to do was let Michael know where the smugglers were and keep them contained until he could get someone down here to pick them up - only it wasn't Mike.

"Step away from the helicopter," one ordered.

"What if I refuse?"

"Then I blow your brains out and take your helicopter anyway. I have heard much about this beautiful bird - or should I say wolf? I think I would like to add her to my collection," he said sardonically, "as she would make these smugglings when we actually have some goods much easier and efficient."

"She ain't no smuggler's lady," Dom retorted.

\A/

Mike listened intently but couldn't believe his ears. Both women inside were trying to escape and one sounded unmistakably like Caitlin. It couldn't be her though; String hadn't chased her down because he thought she'd be safer not being involved in the missions, not to have her be captured by the enemy. Why would they have her anyway? Nevertheless, he had two to rescue now, and he had better get started before those guards came back from wherever they had gone.

With none of the guards in the house, it was easy to slip in. Now all he had to do was find out where the two women were being held captive. Following the path of destruction caused by the obvious struggle, he quickly found the room but it was locked.

"Get away from the door!" he yelled before lunging forcefully at the door. It didn't budge a single inch. He lunged at it again, this time a single creak of the hinges gave away its weakening, but despite everything it still held fast. Once more he tried, taking a running start and shoving shoulder first with all of his might against a door more sturdy than should be allowed, especially for such rundown shack like this. The wood splintered and cracked, and Mike soon found himself laying in a pile of slit wood on the other side. "Shoulda gone through that rickety wall," he mumbled to himself, "woulda been a lot easier."

\A/

Ducking a punch meant for him, Dom struck out at the other man while the first clenched his fist in pain after having hit the solid metal body of the deadly black helicopter.

"You'll pay," he threatened menacingly, "you'll pay dearly."

Both men leapt toward Dominic who yanked open the hatch door on that side and clambered inside as the other men came into contact roughly with hard fuselage. Dazed and only half conscious, they lay on the ground as Dominic kicked the rotors into motion and soon had Airwolf off the ground.

\A/

"You alright?" Caitlin asked her voice concerned, oblivious to her companion huddling into the corner in fright, startled after Rivers' sudden entry.

Rubbing his sore shoulder he answered, "I'll live, but I can say I've been better. Now let's get the hell out of here."

"I agree one hundred percent," Caitlin rejoined giving him a hand up.

Adriana timidly stood up but kept her distance.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Adriana, this is Air Force Major Mike Rivers and he's going to help us get out of here."

"Ok," she agreed. She didn't really have much in mind, but anything would be better than this - she'd figured that much out in just the hour or so she'd been here.

Outside, Airwolf settled onto the orange earth once again and waited as Mike, Caitlin, and Adriana climbed in and Dominic moved back into the engineer's seat.

Wide chocolate brown eyes took in the array of buttons, controls, and monitors, suddenly growing fearful of the ride to come.

"Don't worry. They'll keep it nice and slow, won't you guys?"

"If we have to," Mike replied with a sly grin. "What exactly counts as slow in the Lady though?"

"Figure it out," Caitlin retorted, "but I can tell you this much, you won't be needing the turbos."

"What a spoil sport," Rivers joked, "if you don't want to take advantage of the fun to be had…"


	7. Ch 7 Christmas Gift

CHAPTER 7

"Christmas Gift"

**The Cabin**

**8am**

**December 25**

It was a crystal clear morning, beautiful and perfect for a day like today. Chance had enjoyed the sunrise with him and now happily played on the floor near the fireplace with one of his new toys. He was excited with the new gifts and seemingly oblivious to how the world was crashing down around his father.

String had slumped onto the sofa, merely sitting there; he hadn't touched any of the gifts at all, especially not the small box shaped one from Caitlin sitting by itself near the mantel. Even a couple gifts bought for Caitlin sat untouched on the other side of the room. He chose to stay away from them, knowing if he got close enough to touch them he'd probably only throw them out of reach again. That's how his whole life was - happiness and comfort visible, but not attainable; if he ever actually reached them, they would be thrown just out of his reach again.

He had told himself to move on. He had reached a crossroad in his life and chosen a new path. He had chosen fatherhood and it would have its challenges of its of its own, although nothing like the ones he had faced, but necessary ones. Life came with many challenges, and he seemed to have more than his fair share of them, but now Chance needed him and he had to do everything in his ability to give him the life he deserved, no matter how poorly, make that how terribly, his own personal life was going.

String sinking deeper into his own black thoughts, grew almost completely unaware of the world around him until his son, having climbed into his lap, threw his arms around his neck and buried his head against his chest.

Letting out a long sigh, he pulled Chance closer to him in a tight hug. He knew that no matter what happened, he planned to be there for his son as long as humanly possible and that with Caitlin, or not, he was going to be a good father to his dearly beloved son.

"Daddy's Wolf," Chance suddenly said.

Sure enough, only a second later Airwolf screamed overhead and gradually slowed, coming to a complete stop in the clearing next to the cabin.

String liked the analogy, even liked how Chance could already recognize the distinctive sounds of Airwolf, although he hadn't even heard her coming and that did bother him somewhat, but it couldn't be 'Daddy's Wolf' anymore, no matter how much he wanted it to be. What did they want from him anyway? He had already made it clear that he wouldn't and couldn't be a member of the Airwolf crew any longer.

A moment later Mike was at the door, followed by Dom.

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," he repeated, still trying to figure out the meaning of the visit.

"Well, you gonna invite us in and party or are we going to have to invade?"

"I guess you can come in. The cabin wouldn't be much match for Airwolf, would it?"

"Come on, cheer up buddy," Mike grinned. "Oh, just to warn you, I brought me a new date - meet Adria."

Adriana followed them in.

"Hey Rivers, isn't she a little young for you?" String asked, only half-joking. Surely, the girl couldn't be more than in her early twenties.

"No way! I brought you a Christmas gift, so don't complain. You aren't the only one who gets the pretty ladies."

What on earth would Rivers bring him? Hawke thought in wonder. He probably didn't want to know.

Then stepping back, Hawke stopped dead in his tracks, eyes widening in surprise and locking with hazel ones for a moment before the impenetrable mask hid his stunned features.

Caitlin stood in the doorway as the rest of the world momentarily faded away. She was the last person in the world he was expecting to see, yet there she was.

He stayed silent, not knowing what to say and unable to speak even if he had known.

Caitlin, also transfixed to her position, silently considered the situation - it was somehow different than she expected although she didn't really know what to expect. Not knowing what else to do, she let instinct take over and soon found herself wrapping her arms around him and caught in his powerful embrace before finding herself lost in fervently searching intense blue eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, knowing how badly she must have hurt him making him think she had left him. "Sometimes you may drive me crazy, but I love you and I always will. I'm not planning on leaving you. Never forget that Stringfellow Hawke."

Hawke buried his face in the rook of her neck, fighting back tears as he held her. "I know now," he whispered, holding her tight and wrapping his fingers in her hair. "I know now."

Giving a gap-toothed grin, Dom ushered the others out, closing the door behind them.


End file.
